I feel the genuine, unadulterated tears meander down the side of my cheek, and realise my happiness streak has ceased to exist. I wish, hope, crave, will it to return- but promises like those don't exist. You have to fight the fear and pain again.
I though it was going to be OK this time, I really really did. It's all the hope that hurts the most. Next time, I won't make the same mistake again. I won't hope the sadness is gone; I'll just wait for it to return.
February 13, 2010
In my head. ♥
"Everything around me is in fast forward and I'm just the only one at normal speed. Or maybe thats just my head, and I'm running in slow mo."
I hate the fact I have this feeling. Everything is a jigsaw that won't fucking fit together, no matter how much I try, no matter how much I obsess.
I hate that saying. No regrets. No fucking regrets. It's total bullshit. I regret so much. I regret my whole fucking life. I regret changing. I regret everything fucking thing I have ever done to get me here, where I am. I can safely say, I think I'm going to loose it. My sanity. Cause everytime I fuck up. It hurts so much and the pain never goes away. And I've just drawn a huge picture of myself thats slowly becoming a scribble, and I hate it. It doesn't look right. It just looks fucked. And I can't rub out. And there's no way of fixing it. It's just fucked and I can't fix it. I can't fix myself and that drives me insane.
Fucking hell. I'm not thinking straight. I need some tea.
I hate the fact I have this feeling. Everything is a jigsaw that won't fucking fit together, no matter how much I try, no matter how much I obsess.
I hate that saying. No regrets. No fucking regrets. It's total bullshit. I regret so much. I regret my whole fucking life. I regret changing. I regret everything fucking thing I have ever done to get me here, where I am. I can safely say, I think I'm going to loose it. My sanity. Cause everytime I fuck up. It hurts so much and the pain never goes away. And I've just drawn a huge picture of myself thats slowly becoming a scribble, and I hate it. It doesn't look right. It just looks fucked. And I can't rub out. And there's no way of fixing it. It's just fucked and I can't fix it. I can't fix myself and that drives me insane.
Fucking hell. I'm not thinking straight. I need some tea.
October 31, 2009
Such is life. ♥
I don't see how someone can forever be optimistic. It's a strange trait that I as an individual uphold. A trait of a pessimistic perception on the world. People say, "Noone can every be perfect", but what's the harm in trying? Perfection is an insane fantasy that many attempt to achieve. Just reaching, touching, perfection just for one second. That second of ridiculous reality that can never ever be obtained again. It drives us crazy. So fucking tempting. Just that one taste and we want more. A thirst that can never be satisfied.
In reality, it's a whole different story. Fucked up lives, secrets, lies, deceit, are just weaved into every one of us. It's just human nature to keep something, even one little thing within. We can share, or at least try, but, honestly, it is one of the most stupid things you could ever ever do. People speak, crack, and that one kept secret that accidently slipped out through someone elses manipulation, pulling at every single little string until it just...
Oh. But what fun it is to watch it all unravel. Everything. You just peel back the layers until you at the centre, the most vunerable part, and you see something beautiful, a moment of honest, pure, truth. Little white lies that can make someone feel happy can evolve into a much more painful moment of realisation. Harsh but true.
Such is life. ♥
In reality, it's a whole different story. Fucked up lives, secrets, lies, deceit, are just weaved into every one of us. It's just human nature to keep something, even one little thing within. We can share, or at least try, but, honestly, it is one of the most stupid things you could ever ever do. People speak, crack, and that one kept secret that accidently slipped out through someone elses manipulation, pulling at every single little string until it just...
Oh. But what fun it is to watch it all unravel. Everything. You just peel back the layers until you at the centre, the most vunerable part, and you see something beautiful, a moment of honest, pure, truth. Little white lies that can make someone feel happy can evolve into a much more painful moment of realisation. Harsh but true.
Such is life. ♥
August 29, 2009
A day in Wonderland. ♥
I love taking those pretty little pictures that catpure the life and love of a person. Hold the pose, A perfect picture. Some say that a picture screams a millions words. They hold life love, and never seem to lie. Others say that taking photos remove a part of ones soul. Every click, every frame is slowly creating a print that will last longer then the individual captured itself.
Pictures possess us. We always seem to seek perfection, but pictures may also be a lie. We can alter, manipulate each frame into something far greater then reality itself. But thats easy, the hardest task is attempting to catpure perfection in a single shot, in a single frame.
Lets witness a day in wonderland shall we...
To me, each photo is far greater then a single frame, its a way capturing a moment in time, its a way of capturing a beautiful moment in time. I really really hope that photos' arn't dismantling my soul, and if so, I would be left in pieces.
August 7, 2009
Breaking the drought. ♥
Time is the most important factor of life. Time. I need time. More. twenty-four hours is never enough. But finally I am breaking my blog drought.
Now. Art + Assignment. Those two simple words never fail to scare. The way they are so simple, but create so much horror and dread. Now studying them. Those artists. What a challenge. I look into works by Ron Mueck and Robert Klippel in awe of such superb beauty. I look through my naive frame of mind almost gobsmacked by the detail, the way they are able to master such art and make it seem effortless.
My friend once told me a quote by Mr. Andy Warhol. One that sumed up art so perfectly. "Art is anything you can get away with". Simply Perfect. Art is anything. Art can transform a person, evoke emotion in an individual, it can make you laugh and cry and smile and frown and dance and sing.. it can make you feel anything. It can make you feel everything. It can even make you feel nothing.
Now a certain Marcel Duchamp. The art of a toilet.
A urinal infact. What a strange artistic statement that fits perfectly into the stream of Warhol's quote. The perfect example of the ever evolving art world. The changes, the advances and even, as some may say, the cheats.
Contemporary Art. Is it cheating the system? Is it cheating the buyer? Is it really art? That is the marvellous beauty of art. It is Tricky. Unsolved. Loved. You can create anything. Anyone can. It's the lust, the passion of the moment, splattered, shaped, carved onto a page. It is everything. It is nothing. It is Art. ♥
Now. Art + Assignment. Those two simple words never fail to scare. The way they are so simple, but create so much horror and dread. Now studying them. Those artists. What a challenge. I look into works by Ron Mueck and Robert Klippel in awe of such superb beauty. I look through my naive frame of mind almost gobsmacked by the detail, the way they are able to master such art and make it seem effortless.
My friend once told me a quote by Mr. Andy Warhol. One that sumed up art so perfectly. "Art is anything you can get away with". Simply Perfect. Art is anything. Art can transform a person, evoke emotion in an individual, it can make you laugh and cry and smile and frown and dance and sing.. it can make you feel anything. It can make you feel everything. It can even make you feel nothing.
Now a certain Marcel Duchamp. The art of a toilet.
A urinal infact. What a strange artistic statement that fits perfectly into the stream of Warhol's quote. The perfect example of the ever evolving art world. The changes, the advances and even, as some may say, the cheats.
Contemporary Art. Is it cheating the system? Is it cheating the buyer? Is it really art? That is the marvellous beauty of art. It is Tricky. Unsolved. Loved. You can create anything. Anyone can. It's the lust, the passion of the moment, splattered, shaped, carved onto a page. It is everything. It is nothing. It is Art. ♥
July 12, 2009
Tricky. ♥
Inspired 2009. ♥
The school annual fashion showcase.
Now it was questionable which character my friend (Miss Sara) was basing her dress on. I was modelling it, day off = 5 seconds walking on stage. Bargain? I believe so.
Image 1: Me in the dress. Now the design was based on the well know storybook character, Pippi Longstockings (image2)
The school annual fashion showcase.
Now it was questionable which character my friend (Miss Sara) was basing her dress on. I was modelling it, day off = 5 seconds walking on stage. Bargain? I believe so.
Image 1: Me in the dress. Now the design was based on the well know storybook character, Pippi Longstockings (image2)
Image 2: Pippi Long Stockings although I'd like to think that there is a hint of inspiration from Alice in Wonderland (image 3)
Image 3: Miss Alice in Wonderland
Now that could be from the white socks and shoes, but I'd like to claim that there was a little hidden inspiration from such an amazing character. The naive yet mindfull character Miss Alice has been weeved into the stitches of the dress.
Lovely. ♥
June 26, 2009
Alice in Wonderland.
A Flim by Tim Burton is going to be so amazing. I can't wait.
Alice in Wonderland is bound to be brilliant. It is so wonderous and overwhelming, just the thought of one individual manifestering such talent. There always seems to be a streak of quirky and unique characters combined with perfect scenery in each of Burtons masterpieces. Looking over the photographs of the characters, my heart just skips a beat. I am so excited, I really hope it is released soon. I want to see it, before my obsessive nature takes hold.
Alice in Wonderland is bound to be brilliant. It is so wonderous and overwhelming, just the thought of one individual manifestering such talent. There always seems to be a streak of quirky and unique characters combined with perfect scenery in each of Burtons masterpieces. Looking over the photographs of the characters, my heart just skips a beat. I am so excited, I really hope it is released soon. I want to see it, before my obsessive nature takes hold.
The Mad Hatter
The Queen of Hearts
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Alice
The White Witch
Lets countdown the year, the months, the days, the minutes, for one beautiful masterpiece to arrive. ♥♥
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